I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
