Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize