So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just google imaged poop.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
