oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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