I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
