my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
