I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
