So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
