explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
