you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
