Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
did i just pee glitter
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