I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
