woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
