writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
