..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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