We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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