Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
