worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got inside last night via doggy door
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
