Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
