I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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