I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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