My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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