Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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