forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
4 words: hood of his car
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize