JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize