Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
