I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
