either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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