this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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