suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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