I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize