i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
