I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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