that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
