We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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