Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Houston, we have a squirter
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize