I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize