Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
