saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
