God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
