I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
