i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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