I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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