My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
