woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
