you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
