oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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