Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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