i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
