Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
