i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
