How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize