no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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