well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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