So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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