you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize