She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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