If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
