Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
