I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
