I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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