he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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