so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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