i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
