i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
