Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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