...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
