you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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