do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
