You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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