The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
