drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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