barbara walters just said penis...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
