yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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