had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
