I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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