So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
