is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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