Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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