I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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