return my video game
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
