you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
