You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize