Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
