The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
