Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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