she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize